Success Stories

Billy "Ain't No Sunshine" Seitz matched with American Electric Power

February 7, 2014

In Ohio, there’s nothing I despise more than clean energy. Just thinking about these homeowner hippies generating their own solar electricity, dancing in the wind...wake up and smell the coal, people! Clean energy is Stalinist!

Okay, okay. So I get a bit bombastic sometimes. But ALEC understands me. ALEC knows the type of brazen, unapologetic polluters I’m looking for. Companies I can really count on to make everywhere a place where the sun don’t shine. I’m shivering just writing this!

Thanks to ALEC, I’m connected to coal utilities that treat me right, like American Electric Power and Duke Energy. The hotels, the dinners, the outings that are none-of-your-business, thank you very much...they make me feel like the most important guy on earth. It’s only fair that I return special favors for my very special interests ;)

I won’t write a tell-all, but I can say that King Coal and I love trying to repeal renewable energy laws together. Even if we don’t succeed, it’s the journey that matters, and I prefer the journey that begins in a coal mine and ends in our lungs. :P

Trust a buckeye and give ALEC a try. Everyone needs a dirty little secret.

Kisses,
Billy "Ain't No Sunshine" Seitz
 

Photo copyright: University of Kentucky Center for Applied Energy Research: http://www.kentuckyenergysummit.org/loeffelman.html

Photo copyright: Columbus Business Journal

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“Nebraska Jim” matched with TransCanada Pipelines

February 7, 2014

I love tar sands. I wish I had them here at home in Nebraska, so I’m doing all I can to get a piece of the action by building the Keystone XL pipeline through our state.

Luckily for me, pHarmony helped make the connections necessary to see my oily dreams through.

I was nervous when I heard pHarmony was hooking me up with not one, not two but three companies involved in tar sands and Keystone XL. When I showed up for my first all-expenses paid date in Calgary (Canada!), you can only imagine how wild things got…oil companies are pretty dirty, everyone knows that…. ;)

I can’t tell you everything—I didn’t even tell my own constituents—but these oil companies and their Canadian government friends treated me to a flight over the tar sands mines. It was so beautiful, I can still taste the sulfur just thinking about it… They took me out to some nice dinners and even let my legislator friends from other states join me! I felt so comfortable, so important, so…freed from the people of Nebraska! That’s liberty, baby.

After such a wild time in Calgary, I wanted to do something special for TransCanada, Shell and API, so I introduced some legislation to help fast-track the Keystone XL pipeline. It’s the least I could do after all that steak!

You can bet I’ll call ALEC if I ever need help meeting someone in the future—the service is invaluable, and all the secrecy is hot enough to melt the tar right outta my heart!

Nebraska Jim <3
 

Photo copyright: Nebraska Unicameral Information Office

Photo copyright: TransCanada Corporation

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Tim "Prosperity" matched with Michigan Rep. Fred Upton

February 7, 2011

I’ve been familiar with Polluter Harmony for years, having engaged with a deep but open relationship with Koch Industries through Americans for Prosperity. I still enjoy this part of my life, but decided to start browsing pHarmony again in 2010 for something new.

Had it not been for my trust in pHarmony, I would have been hesitant about Fred’s past: supporting the 1990 Clean Air Act amendments, backing the 2007 Energy Independence and Security Act, and passing tax credits for alternative energy in 2008. But after sharing a warm blueberry scone one chilly afternoon, I knew we had infinite potential. 

I’m used to telling prop activists where to stand and what to do while I speak on behalf of oil billionaires. This has made it hard to meet people on “my level,” and I never imagined my match would be the man my tea party friends were making fun of for supporting efficient light bulbs.

Now Fred is strong: he ignores scientists conducting climate research, he supports a Canadian tar sands pipeline despite last year’s oil spill on the Kalamazoo River in his home state, and he’s in the front row of American Petroleum Institute briefings. His legislation to block the EPA from limiting  carbon pollution looks beautiful. He has lobbyists from the oil and healthcare industries running his office, and he has me at his side in the Wall Street Journal.

Fred knows I’d never ask him to change for me, nor for his own constituents. I’d only ask him to change for coal and oil companies. I can’t say how much it meant to me personally for Fred to join hearts with mine, but I do know it meant at least $250,000 to electric utility companies over the last couple years.

At this point I still can’t promise monogamy, but I do know that when Fred talks dirty energy, it makes me swoon...

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Lisa Murkowski matched with "Jeff," a K Street Lobbyist

February 7, 2011

When I moved from Alaska to Washington, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to find someone who was right for me.  But, when I saw Jeff's profile on Pharmony, I couldn't believe I found a lobbyist with so much money and so many big coal and utility industry clients. I thought, “He's just what I'm looking for!"

I knew this was the real.  He told me he'd been trying to undermine the Clean Air Act since his  Bush team days.  I was happy to help him by stymieing clean energy policy and introducing polluter-friendly legislation.  We’d stay up half the night together sometimes, you know, just plotting.

Thanks to PolluterHarmony, I've finally found my perfect match. Now that the Supreme Court has opened the floodgates for corporate funded elections, our future together is wide open.  

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Joe Barton matched with Michael Morris, AEP

February 7, 2011

Being from Texas, I had no trouble meeting big oil fat cats that would wine and dine me and fill my war chest at election time. But after a while, that was boring. So I signed up at PolluterHarmony. Right away, I saw a profile of this guy Mike from American Electric Power. At first, I was a little worried that he said he was "leading the way" on climate change. I've been fighting against clean energy and global warming legislation for decades. To my amazement, the disagreements we have actually add a little bit of spice! As the largest coal-burning electric utility, AEP has plenty of extra cash to spend on me from the bills they send to people every month, even as I attempt to kill every pro-environment bill that comes through my committee. We really found something special, and it's all thanks to PolluterHarmony.

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